Kids Say the Creepiest Things!

  So, I came across a pin on Pinterest the other day that linked to postings of some of the strangest and/or creepiest things kids have said. (I think the original source was Tumbler, or maybe Reddit. I don't really know what either of those are.) There were hundreds of posts, and boy, there were some doozies.

  Leaving aside the stuff hinting at ghosts and reincarnation, (which is in a different category altogether) there were some great examples of the random, weird stuff that comes out of kids' mouths. Like the mother who woke up to see her four-year-old's face inches from hers, saying "I want to peel all your skin off." (Context: Mother had been sunburned and was starting to flake.) Or the three-year-old who, upon holding her newborn sibling for the first time said, "It's a monster, Daddy. I think we should bury it."

 Reading these posts (I scrolled through for days, I literally couldn't put it down) made me feel a little better about some of the things my kids have said. Really, in a way, it's comforting to know all kids have a streak of sociopathic freak in them, not just mine. So in the spirit of making other moms feel better about their kids, here are some of the bizarre things mine have said.

 Now, the little girl is only two and a half, and a bit slow to talk besides, so she's only got one on the list. She only says a few phrases, and her diction (or lack thereof) makes her difficult to understand, but last week she came out with a good one. I was waking her up in the morning, when she stood up in her crib, looked me up and down, and said clear as a bell, "Nice shirt, red!" Now, though I have red hair, as far as I know, no one has ever called me "red" in her hearing. (My husband pointed out the lettering on my shirt was red, she could have been referring to that.) What kicks this over from unusual to slightly creepy, is the shirt I was wearing:

At least she has good taste - this is the shirt Ray Park (Darth Maul) said he liked when I wore it to KC Planet Comicon!


 I could probably come up with a dozen things the almost-seven-year-old boy has said, but I'll keep it to just the last six months:

•  To a kindergarten classmate in the school library: "Are you going to kill yourself now?" Said from inches away, with a wide grin.

   He has no real understanding of death or suicide at this age, he has no clue why the adults were so freaked out. (The kid he said it to, by the way, was unfazed.) No, he doesn't watch violent television, or play video games of any kind. Yes, he was pulled out for small group instruction on social skills and peer interaction. We're just lucky to live in a district that allows teachers to use common sense, elsewhere kids have been expelled for less, even kindergartners.

•   From completely out of the blue, at the dinner table: "I can't wait until I die, so I can be a ghost and haunt this house." Me: "I don't think I want to live in a haunted house." "That's OK Mommy, you and Daddy will be dead a long time by then." 

 Context: He loves ghosts, witches, vampires, etcetera. Halloween is his favorite holiday, he keeps the decorations up in his room all year long. That day he had seen a "Backyardigans" episode where three of them pretend to be ghosts in a haunted house and try to scare their friend. Seriously, if you can't trust the "Backyardigans"...

•   And finally, my favorite. A rainy day, all the lights off in the living room. It's quiet, so I go out to check on him. He's set up his play tent in the middle of the room. Me: "Corran, are you out here?" From inside the tent, in a raspy whisper: "I'm not here anymore." Me: "So where are you?" The tent flap slowly lifts, all I can see is a white face and the light from the hall reflecting off his eyes, like a cat: "I live in the Everfree Forest, near a tree with the face of danger." And the flap verrrrrry slowly drops again. Me: "Oooh-kaaay, I'm going back to washing dishes."

 So, I guess if you have creative, intelligent, imaginative kids, they're going to express themselves in, uh, imaginative ways. Better than having dull, boring kids, right? And if anyone wants to, please comment here with the weird stuff your own kids have said.